Spring 2006

Volume 1, Issue 1



I Had a Dream about Alan Thicke Last Night


He was on America's Most Dangerous Golf Videos
The host introduced Alan's footage
Thusly: “Now Alan has been known to golf
In some pretty dangerous places, but this course
Beats them all.” We cut over to Alan Thicke
And his two snappy footjoys straddled
Over the lip-sides of a canoe that half-
Dangles over a grass-covered canyon –
It could have been a mulligan, but Allen Thicke
Craves danger. He’s calm for now, he chokes up
On his pitching wedge, and the canoe
Wavers and shakes, the studio audience gasps,
The camera pulls back its bird's-eye and
Alan Thicke is not nervous now
Alan Thicke is not panicking
And he switches to a nine iron, this thrill-
Seeker gone mad, gone awry, a falcon
Circles over him and the canyon. I thought
Alan Thicke was some faceless wholesome
Canadian, even-tempered and all,
But here he is, Alan Thicke, as he holds
His breath just for shits and giggles over the canyon,
Intentional purpose, on message, white pants,
Perfect hair, Alan Thicke jousts his ball
And the boat teeters. And I wake up.






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© 2006 Americana: The Institute for the Study of American Popular Culture